I have had ten days off from work, and it has been three weeks where I have had no Uni work to do. At first, there was a sense of relief to not have the pressures of finding the balance between training, work, and study yet as the days since the end of the Uni trimester have passed, I have been aware of a sense of vulnerability without the intensity filling a void.

I have had a note on my desk since our last appointment simply saying, “when you are ready, thank Di”. And that is today. I have found myself thinking back and considering the years since things started to wobble at Warriors and with my marriage. I even found the first session appointment card dated Monday 6th July 5:15. I had to look up the year and was shocked to see that would have been 2015.

During those years there was an intensity to almost everything and a sense of inability to cope or capacity to deal with anything. Worst still there was a sense that I had to hide that part of me, to adapt by being someone different to the point where I did not recognise myself.

I am thanking you today because even though I have that sense of vulnerability I know that it is ok to feel that way and that I have the capability of sorting it out myself or responding in such a way that the intensity is no longer unbearable but manageable. I can do that because of what I learnt in all the years that you helped me, and I want to say how much I appreciate that.

I like to think that you will smile when I tell you that work is going fantastically. I have been offered two jobs outside of the EIS based on my reputation but after a lot of thought decided to stay. A few months back I caught myself telling someone that I am very good at my job, and I believed it. And it is since then that things have gone from strength to strength and my learning on and around the MSc helps tremendously.

I am starting to see myself as me a whole lot more, and in doing that I know that it won’t be too long before I take one of those jobs that will take me away from Worcester. I even have the hope and thoughts of my world not just revolving around me. The timing still isn’t right, but I am starting to remember how I used to feel about being with someone and realising that I have something to give. I have even found myself taking opportunities to talk to women that have caught my eye. My chat is terrible, but hey, I can’t have everything, and I think it will come when the time is right.

You are so often with me when I find things hard and whereas this is not a message to announce a landmark, I hope that you can see that my life continues to change. Without all your help things would have been entirely different and I would not have the confidence in knowing that any voids in my life won’t always be filled with vulnerability or trepidation.