I have had ten days off from work, and it has been three weeks where I have had no Uni work to do. At first, there was a sense of relief to not have the pressures of finding the balance between training, work, and study yet as the days since the end of the Uni trimester have passed, I have been aware of a sense of vulnerability without the intensity filling a void.

I have had a note on my desk since our last appointment simply saying, “when you are ready, thank Di”. And that is today. I have found myself thinking back and considering the years since things started to wobble at Warriors and with my marriage. I even found the first session appointment card dated Monday 6th July 5:15. I had to look up the year and was shocked to see that would have been 2015.

During those years there was an intensity to almost everything and a sense of inability to cope or capacity to deal with anything. Worst still there was a sense that I had to hide that part of me, to adapt by being someone different to the point where I did not recognise myself.

I am thanking you today because even though I have that sense of vulnerability I know that it is ok to feel that way and that I have the capability of sorting it out myself or responding in such a way that the intensity is no longer unbearable but manageable. I can do that because of what I learnt in all the years that you helped me, and I want to say how much I appreciate that.

I like to think that you will smile when I tell you that work is going fantastically. I have been offered two jobs outside of the EIS based on my reputation but after a lot of thought decided to stay. A few months back I caught myself telling someone that I am very good at my job, and I believed it. And it is since then that things have gone from strength to strength and my learning on and around the MSc helps tremendously.

I am starting to see myself as me a whole lot more, and in doing that I know that it won’t be too long before I take one of those jobs that will take me away from Worcester. I even have the hope and thoughts of my world not just revolving around me. The timing still isn’t right, but I am starting to remember how I used to feel about being with someone and realising that I have something to give. I have even found myself taking opportunities to talk to women that have caught my eye. My chat is terrible, but hey, I can’t have everything, and I think it will come when the time is right.

You are so often with me when I find things hard and whereas this is not a message to announce a landmark, I hope that you can see that my life continues to change. Without all your help things would have been entirely different and I would not have the confidence in knowing that any voids in my life won’t always be filled with vulnerability or trepidation.

Article by Diane Pulley

Diane Pulley is a BACP accredited and UKRC psychotherapist and Life Coach having graduated from Warwick university. She has worked in private practise for many years with clients presenting various issues, from trauma, depression, anxiety and self confidence. Diane works with both individuals and couples. Her experience has lead her to work with corporate clients delivering stress management training for both staff and management. Aspire You has been born from a personal journey, of Diane's own marriage breaking down after 28 years, when she identified there is a need to support women through this process and help them rebuild their lives. "everyone has the potential to lead fulfilling lives and i am committed to helping individuals achieve that desire"